The Rising Phoenix Soul

I have … changes taking place inside, beneath the surface – running deep.

It feels like magick, and I’m sure that’s because it IS magick.

So much has started to shift within me – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically – since I decided to honor the pulls I have always felt toward witchcraft.

I feel these changes like champagne on my tongue, only that sensation thrills me throughout my entire being – body, mind, soul, heart.

I feel so alive, reborn in many respects. And yet, I feel like so many things are coming to ends. That’s how transformation goes – the circle, the cycle of death and rebirth, of dying and being reborn.

The phoenix and the dragon.

Rising, burning, rising, burning, over and over.

But each time I rise, more comes out of the ash than dissolved into it.

The parts I feel falling away and ending are my battles with feeling unworthy, feeling shame, feeling like I should play small and modest in my life, hiding, burying, rejecting parts of me….

The parts that are rising have always been within me, and have only been strengthened by the trauma I’ve faced, the healing I’ve done, the darkness with which I have danced, the losses I’ve incurred, and all the other battles fought, lost, and won. Lessons learned = power gained.

I’m learning that I am, indeed, power. Power. Full. POWERFUL.

Rising, rising, there is such an incredible rising sensation within me every day when I learn more, read more, open more to this calling within me.

I regret that the words aren’t yet here for me to use because the concepts are still coalescing, still solidifying, still downloading, but I begin to see that I am not … what I’ve always imagined, thought, believed myself to be.

I may be a reflective soul that thrives on deep thoughts, heart-talks, solitude, going my own way. But I thought that also meant that I was retiring, unassuming, one who slipped through her life invisible.

Only now I’m beginning to feel the immolating, consuming, flaming passions inside me, the boldness, the sensuality, the indomitable will…. The power.

Only now I am beginning to get a taste of the power within me. The raw energy I can push to whatever purpose lights me up or pulls me in.

Sounds dangerous, doesn’t it?

It is.

And I find I’m not afraid. The rabbit-hearted girl I’ve always seen myself as being is not afraid. How’s that for transformation?

I’m not afraid of this rising inside me. I’m excited by it. Romanced by it. Seduced by it.

Some of my loved ones might not understand this, might caution me. I understand their concerns, but I have a good foundation in the Light of Divinity.

Holding true to that, my power won’t overtake me. But I will let it take me in other ways.

Other dangerous, sensual, firey, burning, exciting, passionate ways.

And I will revel in it then, as I am reveling in the whispers of it now, the beginning of it all now.

My body temperature is actually rising as I write this. I can, quite literally, feel myself growing warmer through my core.

Beautiful. Bring it, baby.

I understand now – the hiding I’ve done, the tip-toeing through life, the burying myself, the rejecting what I am… it’s done. It’s over.

Can’t go back even if I wanted to.

If I did, if I even tried, it would kill me for certain.

So.

Onward. Inward. Upward, and mother-fucking OUTWARD.

My only regret? That this didn’t happen sooner.

Feel the fire. Let it burn.